[ He's been here before. At this cusp between sleep and wakefulness, where a weight coalesces deep in his body. It takes root and burns away everything but strength and dull panic, the fear that this time, he won't come back. This feeling dogs his every movement, his every thought, and were he a more nihilistic sort, had he less to lose, he'd think that was fitting for him. Maybe a little ironic. As he is, there's too much he risks by not fighting. That's why, even with safety on the horizon rather than the enemy, with a life less wracked by this burden a possibility, he couldn't do it. He couldn't leave.
He still can't.
Fighting through it is different, this time. Like clawing his way through fog and darkness, rather than fire and light. It's slower than he remembers. From the corners of his mind, he taps into what's always brought him back, every single time. A song. A voice. Faraway now, but unforgettable, ringing like an echo against the base of his ribs, welling in his throat.
Where is she?
Why can't he breathe?
Finally, he feels his fingers flex at his sides. His body finally responds to the battle within it, and his jaw is stiff, his ears ringing, when he finally forces out a gasp of breath. Messer wants to rip himself awake, throw himself into the momentum he knows, but the only action that he seems capable of is opening his eyes. It's bright. Cold, sterile. A medbay? He still hears singing, but for a long, dull moment, he can't distinguish between what's all in his head, and what's actually around him. Where, where. ]
a messer-kun for kaname-san
He still can't.
Fighting through it is different, this time. Like clawing his way through fog and darkness, rather than fire and light. It's slower than he remembers. From the corners of his mind, he taps into what's always brought him back, every single time. A song. A voice. Faraway now, but unforgettable, ringing like an echo against the base of his ribs, welling in his throat.
Where is she?
Why can't he breathe?
Finally, he feels his fingers flex at his sides. His body finally responds to the battle within it, and his jaw is stiff, his ears ringing, when he finally forces out a gasp of breath. Messer wants to rip himself awake, throw himself into the momentum he knows, but the only action that he seems capable of is opening his eyes. It's bright. Cold, sterile. A medbay? He still hears singing, but for a long, dull moment, he can't distinguish between what's all in his head, and what's actually around him. Where, where. ]
Kaname...
[ He manages to shift, to look aside; oh, sh — ]
...san.